Southern gothic

In a strange way, this story typifies some of the reasons I sometimes miss living in the South and at the same time why I don’t. And I think it also proves that smoking meats is a great means of preservation.

When I die…

Since one of our most frequent recreational past times is taking a walk in the nearby cemetery, we play the “when I die” game a lot.

When I die:

• Don’t bury me in this crappy cemetery.
• I want a kick ass floral memorial – like maybe this one – only in single malt/ sipping whiskey flavor.
• I want to enter the fossil record, so you have to bury me in a zone of accretion rather than erosion (I majored in Geology in college)

But never once has either of us said:

When I die, please steal a street sign, turn it around and write my whole life story in both Arabic and English and cover my grave with a random assortment of fake flowers which you may or may not have collected from other parts of the cemetery.

12 US Senators harbor a dark secret

It’s true. Twelve US Senators harbor a dark secret. I know that it’s true because I saw it in black and white. Some canny reporters blew that story wide open. Phil Gramm, sneaky bastard that he is, couldn’t even muster a denial in the face of the stone cold facts.

“It’s all true,” it quotes Sen. Phil Gramm, R-Texas, as saying. “I’m amazed
that it’s taken you so long to find out.”

Only one paper was brave enough to tell all.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Going where no congressional critics have gone before, a
supermarket tabloid contends that 12 U.S. senators are space aliens. And many
of them are "admitting" their otherworldly origins.

The Weekly World News.

And now they’re closing down. And why? Why is obvious.

The Bush Administration knew they were getting too close.

We can’t handle the truth.

——
Hat Tip to Joe Powell. And I still have my WWN t-shirt which proves that 12 US Senators were space aliens.

UPDATE: Someone might be willing to take on the gaping void that the Weekly World News will leave.