Grave policy implications

More seasonal policy pronouncements. This time about the disturbing trend of making graves safe by absolutely ruining them, laying headstones flat or tying them to giant dowel rods hammered into the ground. The idea is that some people somewhere were killed by falling headstones, and so local authorities must test the stability of all stones (using a topple testing machine) and then make them safe.

Finally someone’s standing up to the topple tyranny; John Mann, a Labour MP for Bassetlaw.

John Mann says no-one has been killed by falling headstones in churchyards in the past 10 years. Yet families are being forced to pay for graves to be made safe in local council graveyards because of “inaccurate” risk assessment tests. Headstones are made safe by a process known as “staking”, in which wooden stakes are driven into the ground next to the headstones to prevent them toppling over.

The Local Government Association states that most councils pay to make graves safe themselves, but where grave owners are charged to make graves safe the costs are reasonable. I’m not sure what reasonable is, but our local cemetery manager told us the cost and it was somewhere around £200 or £300 ($400-$600).

I’d say that roughly between 70% to 80% of graves in our local cemetery have been staked.

And as Mann points out, these aren’t necessarily the old graves, but rather ones less than a decade old. He paid for a topple test and claims that 95% of the staking is unnecessary.

These things simply don’t fall on people. There is much more chance of people dying on their way to church,” added Mr Mann.

New health and safety guidelines for gravestones were issued in 2004 after reports of five deaths caused by falling headstones. But Mr Mann said councils were being “tremendously over zealous” in their application of the rules and “a whole industry” had sprung up around “topple-testing” of graves. He said the graves being tested were often too small to topple over and cause injury let alone death – but they were still being “staked” by private contractors, at a cost of “hundreds of pounds” to berieved families.

Oh yes. We had a run-in with one of these contractors back in March.

The ViL pointed to the staked marker at our feet. The plastic straps weren’t even touching the headstone, which was one of those low lying ones that barely rose 12 inches from the ground. Sure it was at risk of crumbling – if you jumped on it, a bunch – but the stake rising from the ground at a 45 degree angle posed a greater safety hazard.

In a radio interview yesterday, Mr Mann also claimed that the stakes themselves were a greater risk to health and safety, being trip hazards. I’d concur. I’ve seen headstones that stood no more than ten inches off the ground staked – with the stake standing dangerously high over the marker.

a martyr to health and safety

Mr Mann further states that trees and branches are a bigger hazard to the cemetery visitor. Certainly in our local cemetery many branches hang hazardously from old and cankered trees and the footpaths are dangerously uneven – an elderly person might easily fall and break a hip.

Really. This staking is just plain insane, especially when one can spot greater risks with an untrained eye. And how this fits in with the policy recommendation to make better use of these dead spaces is beyond me.

Happy Run-up-to-Christmas Day

By 4pm yesterday, I had bought no Halloween candy. Last year, we got no trick or treaters and I had to bring the candy in to my work (and eat a fair bit of it myself). But in a last minute glow of Horror Holiday nostalgia I rushed to the local grocery store to find the shelves picked nearly bare. I managed to find some Werther’s originals and some kind of strange candy stick thing in boxes, probably the politically correct offspring of candy cigarettes.

I also checked the “seasonal aisle” to see if I could find anything to top up Cletus’s outfit. Nope. Where accessories had been reasonably well stocked only days before, there were only a few vials of fake blood and some tatty witches hats. An Arabic speaking father and daughter where tearing through the remnants in search of costuming for a little boy and they sought my help. I pointed to some novelty skull spectacles in a child’s size and he seemed happy enough with that, but the distressed daughter was pointing to the spot where £1.50 ($3) capes used to sit.

On the way home I noticed two jack-o-lanterns on my street. Two more than I had ever spotted before. And it warmed the cockles of my halloween heart.

We had two sets of trick-or-treaters – though I did have to go out for a while during peak trick-or-treating time, so we might have had more. At any rate, I did give away some candy – although we do have an awful lot of Werther’s original.

Anyway, despite much sneering for many years by the English about this “American” holiday, they finally seem to be taking to it. I’ve always wondered why folks haven’t taken to it more – I mean c’mon, dressing up and free candy. What’s not to like? Who doesn’t have room on their calendar for an extra fun holiday?

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And as we all know, Halloween is no longer All Saint’s Eve, but the Run-up-to-Christmas eve. And in recent years it marks the beginning of the “War on Christmas”, too. And here’s the first story in the gruesome advent calendar. Because this story appears in The Daily Mail – it’s hard to tell exactly what the truth is. They distort everything to make it “political correctness gone mad” – I know this because this happened to a project I worked on.

But it appears that a favorite Labour think-tank, the IPPR is about to issue a report calling on us to “downgrade” Christmas. Leaked recommendations include:

“If we are going to continue as a nation to mark Christmas – and it would be very hard to expunge it from our national life even if we wanted to – then public organisations should mark other religious festivals too. We can no longer define ourselves as a Christian nation, nor an especially religious one in any sense.

Britain may no longer be particularly religious, but this country is still ethnically and culturally Christian to a large degree. And folks still love their Christmas.

I’m all for celebrating other holidays – as long as they’re about fun and feasting and not scourging and fasting. But I don’t see why we need to downgrade any existing holidays to do so.

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Slight digression:

Another finding of the IPPR report was that the state should make a bigger deal of the birth registration.

The system in which parents are required to register a new baby at a register office is dismissed as “purely bureaucratic”. The occasion should be transformed into a “public rite”, using citizenship ceremonies for immigrants as a model, the report says. “Parents, their friends and family and the state [would] agree to work in partnership to support and bring up their child.”

Hell, NO! I’m not working in partnership with the state to bring up my child.

And anyway, this shows a leaning toward a particular ethno-religious tradition – infant baptism. I guess there are parallels with some other religions, too – the Bris for Jewish boys and I think there’s some kind of thanksgiving sacrifice traditional made for Muslim children (two lambs for a boy, one for a girl, if I recall correctly). But in my religious tradition – hard core Protestantism – we don’t hold with such things.

And besides, the report authors (two men) have clearly never had a c-section. You have to register the birth within six weeks – but at that point I couldn’t even get myself down to the town hall never mind organise some stupid statist ceremony.